Dear Casey
by SugarRune
Summary: Casey finds a diary filled with letters written to herself. They tell her she's had amnesia for the last three years and basically fill her in on everything she's missed...including falling in love with a guy she never even dreamed of. Dasey!
1. Chapter 1: Rude Awakenings

**Dear Casey…**

By: SugarRune

**_Synopsis:_** Casey was in a car accident her senior of high school, one that leaves her in a coma. When she finally wakes up three months later, everyone discovers that she has amnesia. And while she remembers things like how to speak, read, write, algebra, history, etc...she's forgotten rather important things like her family, friends, her childhood, her likes and dislikes. The doctors are unsure if she'll ever regain those memories and as time wore on, she learned to move forward with her life and create new ones. Now, three years later, she wakes up one day and her old memories are back but for her, it's like the past three years have never happened. She's forgotten her new life, the accident, and more importantly, her new love. Suddenly she's thrust into a world New Casey has spent the last three years creating, a world Old Casey isn't so sure she belongs in and with a new love she isn't sure she wants. As Casey struggles to deal with a world she doesn't recognize, she's guided by a series of letters written in a diary written from the New Casey to the old one. Will Casey ever accept her new life or will she stubbornly cling to the world of her past? Will Casey be able to accept that maybe New Casey isn't so different from Old Casey? Or will she ignore the heart both Caseys share, the heart that seems to only beat for one boy...one boy who seems to have taken center stage in both their worlds...

_Note: _This is my first Dasey, and more importantly, my first fanfic ever so sorry if it's not great. I'd appreciate any feedback so I'll know what I should work on to make it better. But I hope you enjoy it anyway )

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Life With Derek_ (although I wish I did) and I don't own the manga _Dear Myself_ (where I got the idea for this fanfic) by manga-ka Eiki Eiki. I did however write this story where I combine the two but I make absolutely no profit from it. It's only for fun )

**Chapter One: Rude Awakenings**

_It was raining. The only sounds she could hear were the loud drips of the pouring rain beating against the car and the slick pavement and the _whoosh_ sounds of the car running through the deep puddles that had already formed. It was dark. And it was cold. And the next thing she knew there was light. A bright, blinding light coming towards the car. She raised her arms to shield her face but knew the impact was coming. Vaguely, she felt tears running down her cheeks as she awaited the inevitable. _

_And then it was dark again._

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Casey felt as if she'd had the best night's sleep she's had in years. She felt completely rejuvenated and so well rested. Her mind was still a little hazy, caught in that dreamy state right before waking and she was firmly all for staying in the "before waking" stage just a little longer. She snuggled into her pillow a little more, thoroughly enjoying the warmth and softness. In the distance she could hear what she was sure were the sounds of the MacDonald-Venturi house waking up. She knew she should seize the opportunity to beat Derek to the bathroom but at the moment, she just couldn't muster up to the will to fight him. Her bed was unusually welcoming.

But then she made a mistake.

Casey rolled over and while this position was miraculously even more comfortable than the one before, the red glow just on the other side of her eyelids from the morning light seeping in through an opening in her drapes was dangerously close to waking her completely.

_No! _Casey's mind screamed at her. _I don't want to wake up yet_. But her sleepy head didn't know how to fix the situation. This position was too comfortable. It was almost as if she was being held lovingly, closely. But the damned light! The light was still streaming down upon her face. She let out a labored sigh as she came to the only decision she could at the moment. She needed to roll back over. Letting out another sigh, this time in dismay, she attempted to roll over only to be held firmly in place.

In her state, Casey's mind only registered that she couldn't roll over. She didn't care to wonder why. Her goal was to stop the light from totally waking her up. She needed a plan quickly. And it needed to be simple enough to carry out as she was not yet capable of something complex. She let out a yawn and as she did so she pulled her comforter further up to her chin. And that's when it dawned on her. She could pull the comforter over her head. That should block out the stupid sun. She smiled at her cunning and covered her head. _Perfect_, she thought,_ this is absolutely heavenly_. She then proceeded to wonder why people woke up at all. Sleeping was infinitely better.

Now that she was firmly cocooned under her blanket, Casey snuggled more into her body pillow. As she threw an arm and a leg over the pillow she decided that whoever invented the body pillow was a genius. In the back of her mind, Rational Casey wondered when she bought the body pillow but luckily Sleepy Casey decided that she didn't care as she pressed her head deeper into the crook of the pillow's neck. Pillows didn't have necks but Sleepy Casey dismissed that anomaly as well.

As the minutes wore on, Casey continued to fight in the battle between Sleep and Wake. She was torn. Part of her kept reminding her of all the things she needed to do before school. She had a History exam first period and she really should go over her flash cards on Julius Caesar and the Roman Empire once more. Then there was also the issue of the bathroom. She was sure that by now Derek had beaten her to it but if she got up right now she could probably still get in before Edwin or Lizzie. It would probably include cutting in front of Edwin and Lizzie but she reasoned that needing to get in that extra studying for the exam trumped any guilt over cutting since if she waited until after she did the studying, she'd never get her hair dry in time for school.

So that was the plan. All she needed to do now was get up. Unfortunately, that was proving to be more difficult that expected. The bed was calling to her. It was enveloping her in its warmth. And my God this body pillow! Seriously, why had she never gotten one before? She really should have invested in a body pillow sooner. Hugging it was almost like cuddling up against someone. Her pillow was soft yet firm, just like a person. She sighed and buried her face into her pillow. She smiled as she took in a deep breath of contentment. Her pillow smelled faintly like the forest. Like pine trees and evergreens. _Mmmmm…_ wait!

Her brow crinkled into a slight frown. She was almost certain the detergent she used was supposed to smell like oranges and mangoes. But she decided to let it go. It still smelled good. She took another sniff of her pillow. Actually it didn't really smell like detergent. It smelled more like cologne. But faint. Kind of like it had almost wore off. She liked that actually. She hated the smell of cologne on guys when it had just been applied. It tended to be overwhelming. Guys just didn't understand that sometimes, less was more.

Casey sighed again. She really did need to get up. She was about to do just that when something dawned on her. Why exactly did her pillow smell like the forest? More specifically, why did it smell like cologne? She took another sniff. Yes, it was definitely cologne but the question now was whose? She wracked her brain trying to figure it out when recognition hit her. She'd smelled this scent before. Only one person in this house used that particular cologne…DEREK!

Derek had been using her pillow. He'd been in her room, in her bed, using her pillow. She was going to get him. Without opening her eyes just yet she disentangled herself from her pillow, threw off her comforter, and keeping the sheets around her shoulders, attempted to sit up when something pulled her back down.

That time it was undeniable. Something was really holding her down to her bed. She tried to sit up again only to be pulled back down yet again.

_Okay, don't panic Casey_, she told herself,_ Think! What's holding you down?_

She reasoned that she'd felt pressure around her waist. She hadn't thought too much of it because it felt nice actually. But now, with her mind finally clearing of sleep, she realized that that wasn't normal. Bracing herself, she opened one eye to take a peak at what was around her waist.

_Okay, Casey, don't be scared, just take a look. You can do this. _

She carefully lowered her gaze until it reached her midsection. And that's when she saw it. An arm. And it was draped over her.

Casey wanted to scream. And she soon realized that she had. Well, she'd tried. She quickly decided it was fortunate not a sound came out since she didn't want to alert the owner of the arm she was awake. She clamped a hand over her mouth anyway, just in case. Her brain quickly put together that the arm clearly had to be attached to a person. At least she hoped it was still attached to a person and since she had detected no blood she had reason to believe this was still the case. And while she pondered that, other anomalies she'd brushed off in her sleep haze came into light which led her to the conclusion that the pillow she had fallen so in love with…may not have been a pillow.

There was one way to find out. Bracing herself yet again, Casey slowly turned towards the pillow. This time her eyes were shut tight.

_Please be a pillow. Please be a pillow. Please be a pillow,_ she chanted repeatedly to herself. She gulped hard and opened her eyes.

Casey sat up fast and threw the arm off her before it could pull her down again. Her eyes were so bugged out she was almost scared they were hanging out of their sockets. She would have screamed except she was in even more shock than earlier and sound refused to escape her mouth.

The body beside her began to move. Yes, it was definitely not a pillow. That was bad enough. Her mind was already reeling at the fact that some guy was in her bed. What had her brain almost fried from working overload was the matter of who that guy was. Her mind refused to wrap around that fact.

Casey could only sit and stare as the guy began to stretch.

And then he began to talk.

"Okay, okay I get it. It's time to get up." The guy sat up and swung around to put his feet on the floor, leaving his back to her.

_Breathe, Casey. Breathe!_ She reminded herself, though she wasn't sure if she was taking the advice.

"Baby, was I dreaming or were you actually smelling me earlier?" He left out a small laugh letting her know he was only teasing but as far as Casey was concerned, he might as well have been speaking Martian.

"Oh, hey Case, have you seen my boxers?" The guy was asking her. Casey realized he was actually talking to her and seemed to be expecting some kind of reciprocation from her.

"Case? Babe?" He asked again, and this time he turned to face her, clearly waiting for a response.

But Casey was only staring at him, her mouth agape, and her expression twisted and frozen in shock and complete horror. She had to be dreaming. Or hallucinating. Dear God please say she was hallucinating because standing before her, naked as the day he was born, was none other than Derek Venturi. Derek. The bane of her existence. _Naked_ Derek. _Completely. _Naked. _**Derek was naked.**_ _**Completely.**_ _**Totally**_. _**Naked.**_

"Casey? Baby, what's wrong?" His brow creased into concern as he walked back towards her and knelt down in front of the bed. He reached over to touch her hand but his touch seemed to finally jerk her out of her catatonic state as she flinched back.

"You're – you're…Oh my God! Oh my God! You! You- you're…you're naked!" Casey finally managed to find her voice and she managed to find it screaming, laced with accusatory venom.

Derek's face fell easily into his familiar smirk as he let out a chuckle.

"Uh…Case, baby, you're naked too," he replied, the smirk never leaving his face as his eyes washed over her, clearly liking what he was seeing. "It's kind of required for the activities we engaged in last night."

Casey looked down to see if he was telling the truth and discovered she'd instinctively been holding the sheets up around her. As she peeked beneath the sheets she was hit with the fact that, to her horror, he was right about her nudity. She looked back up at him then back down at herself. Somewhere in the back of her mind, the part that was highly trained to note and remember for future reference every slight Derek had ever inflicted upon her, it registered that Derek was smirking again. And he had let out a snicker. And while it was a strike against him it wasn't lost on her that at the moment she probably resembled a bobble-head. But nevertheless she kept repeating the actions as his words and the implications finally sunk in.

And the scream that had eluded her all morning finally came.


	2. Chapter 2: Grin and Bare It

Author's Note: OMG! I can't believe people actually read the first chapter. Your comments and excitement over the story mean a lot to me. I'm really glad you guys like it so far. I sort of have the whole story thought out, or at least I have the beginning and I know how I want it to end but the middle is kinda touch and go. This is my first fanfic so it really was scary to post it for people to read. I was actually more scared that NO ONE AT ALL would ever read it. This chapter is kinda long but hopefully it's worth it. I tried to throw in a gratuitous Dasey moment or two.

**Diclaimer:** I don't own Life With Derek or Dear Myself

**Chapter Two: Grin and Bare It**

"God dammit! What the hell, Casey? Stop yelling!" Derek looked at her like she was crazy.

"Stop yelling?" she parroted. "I think I have a right to yell, you pervert."

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded. "What do you mean, 'pervert?'"

"Uhhh…naked? In my room? In my bed!?! That equals 'pervert!'" She screeched back at him, clutching the sheets tightly around her now.

"Case, baby, have you lost your damned mind?" She let out a snort at his accusation that she'd gone crazy.

"Have I lost my mind?" She repeated as she crawled up onto her knees to face him. "Have I lost my mind? Look at you, you're _naked!_"

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "And we're back to that."

"We never left that."

"Of course we didn't."

"You're patronizing me. Oh my God, you're patronizing me," Casey seethed.

"No I'm not," Derek replied, calmly; deliberately allowing her to misinterpret. He had to fight hard to hold back his smirk.

"Yes, you are."

"If. You. Say. So."

"You're insufferable." She looked around until she found a pillow and hurled it at him. "Get OUT!"

He caught the pillow easily and tossed it aside. To Casey's horror, he started crawling onto the bed, towards her. Casey instinctively started to back away.

"What the – what the hell are you doing?" Casey stumbled, causing her to end up flat on her back.

"Enough," Derek told her, no longer hiding his infamous smirk. He took advantage of Casey's current position to maneuver himself on top of her, leaving them face to face. "Not that the whole Miss Prissy thing wasn't an interesting choice. Different. Still sexy. But the game's gotten old, Case."

_Oh God,_ _oh God, oh God, oh God_. Casey's mind was going a mile a minute. Her brain was processing thousands of thoughts on her current position, none of which seemed the least bit helpful given the circumstances. Her heart was pounding. Her head was spinning. And Derek's voice in her ear was sending chills down her spine. _What the hell was going on?_ None of this was making any sense to her.

And Derek was smirking down at her. He was messing with her. Of course he was messing with her. Casey was not going to take this lying down. _Well_, she thought to herself, remembering that she was in fact lying down, _not if I can help it. _

"Der-ek!" She tried pushing and shoving at his chest but he wasn't budging. "Get the hell off me."

She moved a hand to slap him but he caught it and instead raised it over her head and out of hitting range. Panicking, Casey tried to get a hit in with her other hand but Derek's hockey reflexes proved too quick and he easily caught it and moved it up to join her other hand.

"Der-ek! I'm warning you." It was an empty threat given her helpless position under him but she refused to back down. "Get the hell off of me."

"I will…later," Derek replied easily, smiling salaciously. Casey's eyes widened. _Oh God, what is he going to do?_

"I must be a sick, sick man." Derek held his smirk and shook his head at his own observation. Casey had an equally acidic response but didn't trust her own voice to deliver it. "Because, I love arguing with you first thing in the morning."

Casey desperately hoped this nightmare would stop. And soon. _And where the hell was her mother or Lizzie? Surely they heard the yelling and screaming._

And then it happened. Without warning, without reason, and without a second thought…Derek kissed her.

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Derek pulled back and looked down at Casey.

"Why aren't you kissing me back?" Derek asked, puzzled. "Something wrong?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Now it was Derek's turn to look bug-eyed. "Casey, what the hell?"

"AHHHHHHHH! MOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!" Derek was taken aback enough to release his grip on Casey's hands. She took the opportunity to shove him off of her.

"Get the hell off. Oh God! Eww!" She pushed him hard then wiped her lips with the back of her hand. "God! Have you gone mental? Now I have to go chug mouth wash."

Derek let her shove him off of her. "You're not playing around are you?"

Casey glared at him.

"Case? Calm down. Look at me."

Casey imitated his earlier eyebrow quirk. "I think I've seen enough of you to last a lifetime. My shrink will bill you later."

"Casey, does your head hurt?" Had Derek been a lesser man, her gaze would have destroyed him. Casey struggled to sit up to meet him eye to eye.

"Get. Out."

"I can't."

"Why not?" She bit out. Casey marveled at the nerve of him as he actually smiled at her.

"Because…this is my room." He thought Casey might have growled at him but he wasn't sure. She awkwardly climbed off the bed, still clutching the sheets around her, being sure to bump her shoulder against him as she stood.

"Derek, enough is enough. Get the hell out. I don't have anymore time to waste with you."

"Casey –"

"Derek! Look, I'll forget this whole thing happened. Which, between you and me, I can't believe they didn't hear anything or come running to my rescue but whatever. But, anyway, I won't tell my mom or George or the rest of the school about this little break down of yours if you get out now."

"Casey –" Derek tried again.

"Derek, this is not up for negotiation. And this offer expires in exactly 30 seconds."

"Case –"

"Derek."

"Casey, will you just shut up and listen to me."

"Derek, I'm done playing your stupid little games. And," she paused dramatically, as if she was actually calculating his remaining time, "you have about fifteen seconds left."

"God, you're so frustrating," he groaned as he stood up. "You're acting like you're seventeen again."

"Well geez, I wonder why. Could it be because I am seventeen?" This gave Derek pause.

"Casey, you're twenty." Casey looked at him a moment.

"Yeah, okay. I have no idea what you're after but I have to go take a shower." She turned her back on him to retrieve her towel.

"Casey, I have no idea what's going on but clearly you're confused and suffering from some kind of amnesia…again."

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure," Casey muttered in response as she continued to search for her towel.

"Umm...I don't know how to tell you this but you were in a car accident three years ago. It was raining and one of those big delivery trucks lost control and hit you. You were in a coma for three months and we didn't know if you were going to make it but you did. Only, you lost your memory. Well, part of it anyway like family and friends and things like that. The doctor wasn't sure if you were going to get it back but it seems you did only you seem to have lost all the new memories. So I think we should get cleaned up and then go see the doctor." Derek was amazed he managed to explain it all in one breath. "Whew…that was easier than I thought."

"Sure. Whatever. Darn it, where's my towel?" Casey complained.

"Casey, I'm trying to talk to you."

"I'm not interested in anything you have to say unless it's where my towel is."

"It's on the hook behind the closet door where you always hang it." She went to the closet and opened the door. Sure enough the towel was there. In fact, there were two towels. She picked up the pink one.

"Thanks." Then she thought better of it. She turned towards him. "How'd you know where it was?"

"Because unfortunately the amnesia was unable to completely banish all the anal retentiveness."

Casey narrowed her eyes. "What are you up to?"

"Did you hear a word I said?"

"Car accident. Three years. Amnesia. Coma. Did I miss anything?"

"And?"

Casey rolled her eyes. "And what?"

"You don't believe me?" Derek threw his hands up in irritation.

"Of course I don't believe you. You're Derek." Derek was quickly losing patience.

"Casey, look around you. This isn't _your_ room."

Casey scoffed.

"Derek, of course this is my – _Oh my God!_" Casey dropped the towel as she looked around the room, really seeing it for the first time. "This isn't my room."

"No, baby, it's not."

Casey walked around, shell shocked. Her hands trailed along the foreign computer desks and drawers. She let her eyes travel over the pictures covering the walls and most of the visible surfaces without really looking at them, not ready for more shocks than the ones she'd already received.

"Why do you keep doing that?" she asked in whisper.

"Doing what?" he asked gently.

"You keep calling me 'baby.' It's disturbing. And making me a little nauseous." Derek studied her carefully. She looked like a lost little girl but he could tell she was fighting it. She wasn't fully accepting what he was saying but he supposed that was fine. It would be better if she had her breakdown at the hospital. Unfortunately, he would have to get her to believe him enough to allow him to drive her there. And he figured the part he was about to reveal would be better coming from him.

"Case, you might want to sit down."

She eyed him warily but sat down anyway. She didn't believe him. But something was definitely going on. Clearly she would have to face at least one more shock. Waking up beside a _naked_ Derek (which still freaked her out beyond belief, but she'd deal with that later), the room (which wasn't just decorated differently, it was a completely different room), the lack of Nora and George and the kids running in at the sound of her screaming. It all added up to something, she just wasn't sure what.

And then there was Derek himself. Looking at him now, she almost did a double take. Derek was different. She was of course judging completely based on facial features and hair since she refused to move her eyes south of his shoulders. He was Derek, of that she was sure. But there were definitely differences. His hair was shorter for one thing. It was still haphazardly, casually aloof. Although it probably took almost an hour to look that way. And his face was more mature. And his eyes were looking at her in a way that made her uncomfortable yet excited. He'd _never_ looked at her that way before. Ever.

She didn't like it.

"Okay, so I'm sitting."

"Case, ummm…so, things were different after the accident and your coma."

"Well, obviously."

"Right." Derek hesitated. "You're seventeen right? Or at least the last you remember you were right?"

"At least I was when I went to sleep last night."

"And you don't remember the accident so it probably hasn't happened for you yet."

"Derek. Point. Now." Derek knelt down in front of her and took hold of her hand. She didn't know why, but she let him.

"Casey, we're dating. We have been for a little over two years." Casey said nothing for almost five minutes. She just sat there staring him. Derek waited.

When the silence that had enveloped them was finally broken, it was by the sound of Casey's uncontrollable laughter.

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"Casey?" Derek gripped her hand a little tighter to try and get her attention.

"Derek, I'm sorry. It's just…" she broke off, unable to stop laughing. She took a few calming breaths. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's…for a second there, I swear you said we were dating."

"But…I mean…that's ridiculous, right?" she continued. Casey let out a couple more chuckles before she sobered enough to look up into Derek's face. He looked strange to her and Casey felt all the laughter drain out of her. He looked like she'd just hurt his feelings and then killed his puppy in front of him. And for some reason, looking at him looking at her like that made her heart constrict.

"Oh my God, you're not kidding." Her voice was barely above a whisper but he heard her and Derek's face brightened.

"Do you remember?" His voice was hopeful and for a split second, she almost wished she did.

"No. But, I'm willing to hear you out."

"Good enough." He leaned away from her and stood back up, releasing her hand in the process.

He just stood there, obviously waiting for her next move. Casey's eyes wandered over to the forgotten pink towel lying on the floor. She stood and picked it up.

"But before anything, I'm going to go take a long, relaxing shower. Which way is it?" she asked as she walked to the door.

"Down the hall, to the left. Second door."

"Right. I'll go do that now. Oh, and Derek?"

"Yeah?" She carefully kept her eyes averted as she answered him.

"Future conversations might be spared the extra awkwardness if…I don't know…you were dressed."

Derek pulled the discarded comforter up off the ground and covered himself and leered at her as he gave his parting shot. "You know, the new you usually can't wait to get me naked."

Casey felt the immediate heat fill her cheeks. She tightened her grip on the towel then realized something she'd forgotten. Not too far from where she'd dropped the towel lay the forgotten bed sheets. She quickly wrapped the towel around herself before wrenching open the door and marching out muttering, "Clearly I suffered severe brain damage from that car accident."


	3. Chapter 3: The River Denial

_Note: I'm so sorry it took so long to post this. For some reason, this chapter gave me so much trouble. I literally wrote like 4 different versions of this chapter before finally writing this one up completely from scratch. But I hope you guys like it. I want to thank everyone who's reviewed so far, I really appreciate that you guys took the time to let me know what you thought of the story so far. Also, some people have asked if there would be flashbacks to the past three years that Casey is missing and the answer is YES! Sort of. Anyway, just not yet. Once she finds the diary, it should start revealing what went on back then. I'm thinking it should probably be in the next chapter that she finds the diary. This chapter however is a little more angsty than I wanted but it made sense since it does deal with the aftermath of the doctor visit. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the chapter!_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek or Dear Myself...but I wish I did /**

**Chapter Three: The River Denial**

Casey sat in the room she apparently shared with Derek. The doctor visit had been a veritable nightmare. Not only had the doctor confirmed everything Derek had told her, so had everyone else; their parents, Lizzie, Edwin, Marti, Emily and Sam. All of whom, were currently waiting the living room. Seeing Nora and George at the doctor's office had been awkward at best (Derek had called them on their way there). Finding out their roommates in the apartment were an ecstatically, happily dating Sam and Emily had just been weird and surreal. But having to face a Nora and George and a Sam and Emily who were three years older had been nothing compared to having to face a Lizzie, Edwin and Marti who were three years older because that she absolutely couldn't deny. Something she'd been frantically doing since she left the doctor's office.

It had all been too much for her. Looking at Nora and George, Casey could pretend she hadn't just lost three years of her life. Same with Derek, Sam and Emily. Even with the foreign reflection she'd seen in the mirror earlier with her hair cut in long layers just past her shoulders, she'd been able to deny the passage of time. But looking at a sixteen-year-old Lizzie, a sixteen-year-old Edwin, and a ten-year-old Marti, she couldn't. And that's what broke her.

Ignoring the expectantly happy faces of her family and friends, the large "Welcome Back" banner hanging from the ceiling and the party favors, she pasted on what she hoped looked like a smile rather than a look of the sheer terror and panic she felt, muttered her excuses, then made a mad dash for the bedroom, locking the door behind her. She got to the middle of the room, took a slow look around her, and then sank slowly to the floor. And she sat there, careful not to think too much about any one thing, but rather letting all the rage and bitterness over what she lost wash over her as the tears flowed and the screams wrenched from the deepest part of her sorrow.

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The MacDonald-Venturi clan, along with Sam and Emily, sat awkwardly amongst the bright and happy "Welcome Home" decorations that filled the living room. As the silence stretched on, the blaring bright colors become more and more offensive as they poignantly pointed out the contrast in moods. It was clear to everyone that this was no longer a celebratory event but no one was sure about what they should do now. And so they waited.

Another heart wrenching scream escaped from the room. Derek stood quickly.

"That's it, I'm going in there," he announced but his father stood and stopped him.

"Derek, no," George told him. "Give her time."

"Give her time?" Derek looked incredulous. "She's been in there screaming for over an hour."

"Yeah, I'm surprised no one's reported us to the police yet," Edwin added. "The neighbors probably think we're beating her or something. Oomph…what the?"

"Shut up, Ed," Lizzie told him as she put the pillow she'd used to smack him back behind her.

"Look, I don't care what you say. She's my girlfriend and I'm going in there. She shouldn't be alone right now." Derek made another move towards the bedroom but Nora caught him.

"Derek, honey, I know you want to help Casey but remember what the doctor said? We don't want to do anything that'll make her feel cornered. She just needs some space to process what happened."

"Nora, no offense, but I think I know Casey just a little bit better than you do."

"Uh-uh, not so fast there buddy," Edwin interjected as he stood and slung an arm over Derek's shoulders. Derek shot him a withering glare as he removed his arm then crossed his own arms over his chest. Edwin faltered but continued on.

"Uh…uh, what I mean is I think you're forgetting one little thing." He paused for dramatic effect but the effort was lost on Derek who was clearly not amused.

"Edwin, get on with it," Derek barked out.

"Eh...yeah, okay. She got her old memories back," he began, gesturing towards the bedroom, "meaning _that _Casey is not the same Casey from yesterday. That is the _Other_ Casey, the one from _before_ the accident."

Edwin finished with a flourish, obviously expecting major kudos for his brilliant observation. Instead, he was met with a silence so deafening not even a cricket would have been heard.

Everyone had realized what Casey's memories coming back had meant; it was just that no one had wanted to be the one to say it out loud. Marti chose that moment to speak for them all.

"I know what it means, Smerek." They all whipped their heads around and looked at the ten-year-old playing with her stuffed monkey. "It means that's the Casey who hates your guts and not the Casey who plays kissy-face with you."

She looked up from playing and smiled brightly, pleased that she now had the undivided attention of everyone in the room. She was completely unaware that with just a simple sentence, she had managed to break her hero's heart.

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Casey was oblivious to the drama going on in the living room; she was immersed in trying to deal with her own issues. She was now lying on top of the bed with a notepad and a pen and was drawing a line down the middle of a page titled "What I know." One column had the mini-header of "The Real Me" while the other was labeled "The Other (Fake) Me." Under "The Real Me" she had listed:

1) I was in an accident three years ago

2) I was in a coma for three months

3) I (supposedly) had amnesia for three years

4) I don't remember the past three years

In the column "The Other (Fake) Me" she wrote down:

1) She went to MY high school graduation

2) She went to **MY** high school prom

3) She cut MY hair

4) She decided MY college major

This column also had a special mini-header titled "Worst, Most Grievous Offenses" and under that header she wrote:

1) She has me **DATING** my worst enemy, Derek Venturi!!!

2) She has me **SHARING A ROOM** with Derek (As in I'm his _LIVE-IN_ girlfriend!)

3) She **LOST MY VIRGINITY!!!!! **(Has been confirmed by doctor, I checked)

Casey let out a huff of indignation as she went back and added one more underline under "Live-In girlfriend" and "Lost My Virginity." She tossed the notepad and pen aside and let her head drop onto the pillow. She knew she couldn't hide in the bedroom all day but she wasn't ready to face them just yet. How was she supposed to act? Was she supposed to just pretend nothing happened? Was she supposed to sit down and have yet another talk about what happened to her? Over two hours in the doctor's office had her all talked out about the car accident and the coma and the amnesia. Was she supposed to crack jokes about it to lighten the mood? Was she supposed to break down into tears over it? Because to be honest, she was almost positive that if she cried anymore that day, she was in serious danger of dehydrating.

But Casey's true fear, the one she barely admitted to herself, was that they'd expect her to act like the Other Casey; the one who got to live _her_ _life_ the past three years and so selfishly took the memories with her when she left. But how could she act like her if she didn't even know her. In fact, the more she thought about all the things the Other Casey did, the more she doubted they were even the same person despite what everyone else seemed to believe. Casey's suspicions on the subject ranged from some alien having taken over her body to ghostly possession and as insane as those theories were, she would have preferred either one over the truth.

Casey continued to linger, hoping to delay having to face the people eagerly awaiting her in the living room. She tried to wrap her mind around the details, hoping to find some semblance of her former life to cling to before she sat straight up and came to a decision. She smiled to herself over her new found resolve while silently chastising herself for not having come up with the solution sooner. She quickly marched over the drawers and dug around before moving on to the closet until she found what she was looking for. Finally, she paused at the desk and pulled a couple blank note-cards from the pile and jotted down a few sentences on each one. She had to fight a grin as she made her way over to the door and pushed it open.

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They heard the bedroom door open hesitantly and everyone swiveled to readjust their attention from Marti over to the dark haired girl standing in the doorway with her brow scrunched looking at them.

Casey was surprised at how quiet everyone was. The MacDonald-Venturis were not known for being quiet. What was weirder was that half the people were standing while the other half remained seated. What hadn't surprised her was that Derek had managed to be center stage. _Typical_, she thought, and did a mental eye roll. But enough about Derek, she had a task to accomplish and the sooner she did, the more time she would have to retreat into the bedroom and brood without fear of interruption or awkward exchanges. And if anyone had earned the right to brood, it was her. She squared her shoulders, titled her chin up ever so slightly, and let out a sigh before addressing her captive audience.

"Okay, so I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not ready to sit and talk to you guys just yet. I just need a little more time to deal with…everything. Tomorrow. We can definitely do all this tomorrow. But for now, I just want a little more time to myself."

No one made any immediate move but instead they all looked around nervously at each other.

Nora found her voice first. "Sweetie, we support you all the way and if you would like more time, then we can definitely do that."

Casey beamed a magnificent smile at her mother. She was about to say her thanks but Derek interrupted her.

"Umm…Casey?" When she looked over at him, he continued. "Why are you carrying my PJ bottoms, my towel, my shirt, my pillow, and the guest blanket? And more importantly, why are you carrying a pair of my boxers?"

She shoved them all into his arms and because she had caught him off-guard, he accepted them without a fight.

"Because. You didn't honestly expect to spend the night in the bedroom with me, did you? You're sleeping on the couch out here until we get this all straightened out. Now, I'm really very tired so I'll see you guys all tomorrow?" She began to hug everyone goodbye but carefully avoided Derek's proximity, which was fine since Derek appeared to still be in some kind of stupor.

Everyone began to shuffle about. Sam and Emily stood up and began heading towards their own bedroom while Nora and George began to usher the kids towards the front door. Satisfied that her plan had succeeded without a hitch, Casey turned and headed towards the bedroom once again.

Derek's voice stopped her.

"Wh-what? Wait just a second." Everyone stopped and looked towards him expectantly. Casey was the last to turn back to face him but only because she paused to grumble to herself at her failed attempt at a clean getaway. However, she was careful to keep her face serene when she finally faced him.

"Yes?" she asked innocently. She hadn't meant to lower her gaze to the pile of stuff he was still carrying. She certainly hadn't meant for her lips to quirk slightly at the attempt to hold in a giggle. She couldn't help it, he looked silly just standing there sputtering while carrying all those things. Derek noticed the quirk in her lips and followed her gaze down to his belonging piled in his arms. He tossed them onto the now empty sofa before answering her.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Her brow immediately crunched up as she tried hard to remember if she had left anything out. He was of course referring to the fact that they (he and Casey) hadn't slept apart since moving in together at the start of last summer, nearly a year ago. She had other things in mind.

"Oh, maybe I did. Let me check." She whipped out a note-card from her back pocket and began checking things off. "'Tell family and friends I need space,' check. 'Hand Derek sleeping clothes, pillow and blanket,' check. Oh you're right, I did leave one out. It was supposed to go right after I give you the blanket and PJs and right before I 'Give everyone a hug goodbye.'"

Everyone waited for her to carry out the forgotten task. Derek was now completely thrown for a loop and did nothing to stop her as she pulled out another note-card from her back pocket and approached him. She stopped just a few feet away from him and began to read the note-card.

"Derek, while I am sure the romantic entanglement between you and my amnesia-laden alter ego was a beautiful union of both your hearts, minds and souls, I am also positive that such a –"

"What the hell is this?" Derek demanded, snatching the note-card out of her hands, effectively cutting off whatever else dribble would have come from her mouth.

"Der-ek! Give it back, I'm not finished," she yelled at him as she reached out grab the note-card back but he managed to keep it up just out of her reach.

"You'll have to do better than that Casey," he teased, the familiar smirk back on his face.

She let out a frustrated groan as she regained her composure. "Fine, you wanna play like that? I'll just do it from memory then. The short and sweet version."

"And what pray tell is that?" Derek asked, humoring her.

"Derek, I'm breaking up with you." And with that, she all but ran straight back to the bedroom, shutting the door and locking it behind her before anyone, and especially Derek, could stop her.

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In the living room, Derek was still in shock.

"What the – …what the hell just happened?" Derek asked, more to himself than anyone else.

No one responded. They were either in shock themselves or else kept quiet out of fear for their own health and safety. And again Marti took it upon herself to break up the tension filled atmosphere.

"See? I told ya Smerek, that's the Casey that hates you."

And for the first time in his life, Derek turned his glare on an unassuming Marti.


	4. Chapter 4: The Girl In The Photograph

**Author's Note:**_ OMG you guys! I'm soooooo soooooo sorry it's taken me what? Two months to write this next chapter. But things just got so busy and I kept putting it off and putting it off. I almost decided to just quit since it had been so long but I kept getting notices that you guys were still reading my story and reviewing and I felt bad so I told myself no matter what, I had to finish. But don't worry, this is not the end yet but it is the much delayed 4th chapter. And to make up for it, I made it extra long with a definite Dasey moment AND a flashback to the three years Casey lost her memory. She still hasn't found the diary (which I'm pretty sure happens in the next chapter or if not, then most definitely in chapter six) but I did add some stuff in there that gives her a little insight to_ The Other Casey_. I promise the next update will come this week since. I actually already have it pretty much plotted out and I might actually start on it as soon as I post this. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this and continue to read my story. And please review! They really did motivate me to keep going. Without further ado, please enjoy chapter 4!_

_P.S. Despite my reading it over a couple times, I did post this as soon as I finished it and so there may be a few errors here and there. I'll do another check when I get the chance but you have my apologies in advance _

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Life With Derek or Dear Myself. Despite the number of coins I threw down the wishing well, it still hasn't happened._

**Chapter Four: The Girl In the Photograph**

Derek glared angrily at the bedroom door. _His_ bedroom door. The door that led to _their_ bedroom, his _and_ Casey's. The bedroom that Casey had now been holed up in for twenty-four hours. He let out a frustrated sigh as he threw a frilly, decorative pillow against the wall. He winced slightly as a he felt a pinch of pain in his shoulder from channeling all his aggression in that throw.

He stared at the door again, practically willing it to open. When the door failed to magically open, he stormed towards the third bedroom (which normally served as the guest room/"Doghouse" since really only Sam or Derek got banished there) where he had been camped out since yesterday after Casey had made her announcement. He hesitated after opening the door and gave one last glance back towards his bedroom before muttering, "This is ridiculous," and slamming the door shut behind him.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Slam!_ This was Casey's cue, one she'd patiently been waiting for for the last thirty minutes, despite the fact that her bladder had been crying out to the emptied. She opened the door as quietly as she could and sprinted towards the bathroom. She emerged five minutes later positively relieved.

"I feel so much better. I thought I was going to die," she mused to herself as she cautiously looked over at Sam and Emily's door and the guest room she assumed Derek was using. Given how the last twenty-four hours had gone, she figured she had about five minutes to grab something to eat before Derek came back out. She quickly ransacked the pantry and fridge for some cheese, crackers, rice cakes, and bottled water before high-tailing it back to the safety of her room.

As she sank into the bed after firmly closing the door and double checking then triple checking to make sure it was locked, she let out a slight self-deprecating laugh. _Her room,_ she thought again. Hmph! She really did think of it as _her_ room despite it being flooded with things that reeked of _Derek and Casey_. She grabbed a rice cake and took a bite as she got up to look at the photographs that took up every available flat surface. There were pictures of Derek and _the other Casey_ at theme parks, at carnivals, at the ice rink, back at the old house. There were pictures of Derek and _the other Casey_ with their arms around each other looking at the camera, candid photos of them giving each other a peck on the lips, pictures of them staring into each others' eyes, pictures from those photo booths of them making goofy faces at each other. Casey looked at each and every single one of the pictures with amazement. _She looks just like me_, she thought as she picked up a picture where _the other Casey_ was firmly in Derek's lap with her arms wrapped possessively around him, smiling brightly into the camera. It was taken in their old living room presumably with their family present. _But she's so different._ Casey took another good look at the photo before putting it back in its place. _I could never just sit in his lap. With my family all there! _Casey thought about where her train of thought was going.

_Ew! What the hell was I thinking? I would never sit in his lap in the first place. It's _Derek!

She started to turn back towards the food she'd left on the bed when something caught her eye. It was a photo of a smiling _Other Casey_ and Derek, only while _Other Casey_ was looking towards the camera, Derek was looking at her. Casey couldn't help herself. She was drawn to the photo and as she picked it up her focus for the first time wasn't on _Other Casey_, it was on the look on Derek's face.

_Oh my god_, Casey thought, _he really does love her. _And then it happened. A quick, sharp pain in her chest. Casey dropped the photo and quick grabbed at her chest, she gasped out a breath ready to call for help but just as suddenly as it came it quickly faded into a dull ache that lingered for just second before it disappeared completely. Casey took in a shaky breath as she leaned down and picked the photo off the floor. _What the hell was that?_ She straightened up and her eyes caught her reflection in the mirror. It was still surprising to see her hair so much shorter than usual and before she glanced away, a thought occurred to her. It wasn't very pleasant and rational Casey quickly shoved it out of mind. She tossed the photo onto the bed and gathered up the uneaten food before heading out the door. She knew what she had to do it and it was about time she started doing something about putting her life back together.

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She did everything in her power to stop herself from pacing in front of the door. She'd taken her sweet time putting the food back where it belonged. She'd walked like a turtle towards the door. And now, she'd spent five minutes taking deep, calming breaths that she was now starting to feel light headed. She was about to knock when a muffled voice called out from behind the door,

"For crying out loud, come in if you're coming in already!"

Casey slowly opened the door, and peeked into the dark room. Derek wasn't standing by the door but was instead laying spread eagle on the bed on top of the sheets. He had an arm draped over his face and hadn't bothered to look over at her as she opened the door and let herself in all the way. She purposely left the door open as she edged further into the room just in case the need for a quick getaway came up.

"How'd you know I was out there?" Derek stifled the urge to reply with, "Because I _KNOW_ you." And instead went with the safer, "Because I could practically hear your brain analyzing and re-analyzing and over-analyzing through the door."

She left a half-laugh. "But what if it was Emily or Sam?"

"Impossible since they left at the crack of dawn and said they'd stay out the rest of the weekend to let us have a chance to sort it all out."

"Oh," was all she said. She forced herself to look around because she didn't know what to do next. Derek looked perfectly content to just continue to lie there and she was so uncomfortable she was practically crawling out of her skin. The silence stretched on and Casey was practically twiddling her thumbs trying to work up the nerve to start the conversation she knew they had to have. And Derek continued to lie there, for all intents and purposes, effectively ignoring her.

One minute of silence became two. Two became five. Five became ten. Ten became twenty. When Casey had been standing there for twenty minutes she began to become angry. She'd been standing there working herself into ball of frazzled nerves and Derek and just laid there like a lump of humanity. Probably sleeping. Why was she the anxious one while he got to be completely calm and oblivious? She continued to work herself into a full on snit unaware that she was letting out grunts of indignation.

"How much longer do you plan on just standing there?"

Caught completely off guard, Casey returned with an undignified, "What?"

Derek chuckled as he removed the arm from his face and slowed propped himself up on one elbow to face her. "I said, 'How much longer do you plan on just standing there?' Or were you actually going to say what you came here to say? Because I assumed when you came in here that you had something to say or otherwise you'd still be locked in the bedroom like a petulant five-year-old like you have been the last twenty-four hours."

Casey's jaw dropped in shock. "Ah! How dare you –"

"How dare I what?" Derek challenged. "How dare I lock myself away for a whole day? How dare I spend all day avoiding you like the plague? How dare I ignore several, repeated pleas to just talk to you? Oh, wait that was you."

"Yeah well, you…you –" Casey was at a loss. She was losing the round and she knew it.

"I what?" Derek asked innocently.

"You kept me standing here for twenty minutes when you knew I needed to talk to you."

"I don't recall preventing you from speaking. I remember lying here waiting patiently for a conversation you never started."

"I –? Ooooh!" Casey cried out in frustration and stormed out of the room. Derek smirked to himself and resumed his former position.

"Same old Casey," he muttered to himself. But he knew it was an empty victory. They would have to have the conversation sooner or later and he'd only managed to delay it for a little bit. She'd be back and soon. Probably within the hour and they'd finally have the talk he'd been in no rush to have. He knew how the conversation would end and he wasn't exactly looking forward to it. And since there was nothing else he could do, he waited.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Casey found herself standing in front of the guestroom yet again an hour later. They _were_ going to have this conversation and she wasn't going to allow Derek to distract her or annoy her or piss her off and lose focus on her objective. She knocked on the door as a courtesy but didn't bother waiting for a reply before pushing it open. She was ready to give him piece of her mind for his earlier behavior but stopped when she saw him sitting on the edge of bed, apparently waiting for her.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Derek sat up the moment he felt her at the door. He always knew when she was there. He could be a room filled with hundreds of people and he would know the second she stepped foot in it. And it killed him that she could just forget that. But he was Derek Venturi and he wasn't going to let her walk away from him that easily. If he had to play things her way for the time being so be it. If they had to start all over again, he would do that too.

He remembered back to the accident and when Casey had first woken up from the coma and they all found out she had amnesia. They'd had to start over then too and it had worked out. He remembered when as a joke he'd told her she loved eating pickles dipped in peanut butter. He'd come home the next day from his part time job to find her in the kitchen crying. Spread out on the table was every variety of peanut butter and more types of pickles than he knew existed. She'd tried them all. When she noticed him standing there, she looked up at him and sobbed the whole story to him.

"_I wanted to try something to get my memory back and I thought maybe eating my favorite food would trigger something. So I tried the peanut butter and the pickles we had here but it tasted disgusting so I thought maybe it was the wrong kind and so I tried every brand I found at the store and every kind of pickle I could find and it's still disgusting and I just can't do it. I'm never going to get my memory back." Casey began to sob as she finished explaining. Derek couldn't stand it when girls cried and this wasn't any less uncomfortable. Still, his albeit small but still existent conscious wouldn't allow him to just leave. _

"_Umm…okay but why are you crying? It's just pickles and peanut butter. No big deal." _

"_Yeah but remember you said I loved it. I mean I may not remember but I should still love it right?" Now firmly trapped in the lie, Derek was forced to roll with it. _

"_Well, it wasn't something you just started to like over night," he improvised. Casey furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to understand. So he continued, "It was from an ongoing dare we had. We were trying to get each other to admit it was gross first and eventually we started to like it."_

"_So we both like it? Well, that makes sense because of the dare. And it's an acquired taste."_

"_Yeah, that's right," Derek quickly replied, relieved that she seemed to buy it but mostly because she had stopped crying._

"_So, which kind of pickle and which kind of peanut butter was it?" _Damn it_, Derek thought. _

"_Umm…the…the sweet pickle? Yeah, the sweet pickle and the extra crunchy peanut butter." Casey smiled as she forked out two sweet pickles from the jar onto a plate and grabbed the extra crunchy peanut butter and set it down in front of them. She grabbed one and dunked it into the peanut butter while she offered the remaining pickle to Derek. She waited while he picked his up and also dunked it into the peanut butter. She smiled as she held hers up ready to take a bite, "Bon appetite!" _

"_You too," Derek muttered as he took a giant bite of the pickle covered in extra crunchy peanut butter. He fought very hard against the urge to gag and had to use all his strength to force it down his throat. Casey took a bite of hers._

"_You know, this isn't so bad. Then again it could be because I've been sitting here trying to eat it for the past hour. But you like it so I shouldn't say anything."_

"_Well, you don't have to force yourself to like if you don't." He hoped she'd take the out he offered. "I mean just before the old you liked it doesn't mean you can't develop your own likes. You'd still be you even if you're not exactly the same."_

"_Thanks, I really needed to hear that," she said and smiled at him with her beautiful blue eyes twinkling. It was in that moment that Derek realized he'd been right. Things didn't have to be exactly the way they used to. Things could be different this time. _

"_But you know, it really isn't so bad," Casey was explaining as she took another bite. "I think I'm actually starting to like it. It is really gross though when you think about it. I'm so glad I'm not the only weirdo who likes it."_

"_Yeah," he replied, with a tight smile on his lips and forced himself to swallow his second bite, praying silently he survived the next one, "yummy."_

Derek smiled at the memory. To this day they had a jar of sweet pickles and extra crunchy peanut butter sitting next to each other in the fridge. As he sat there, reminiscing as he waited for Casey to work up the nerve to knock on the door, he suddenly remembered the secret he'd kept the past three years. And guilt washed over him as the knock finally came and in walked Casey.

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"Derek?" Casey said hesitantly as she walked up to the bed.

"Took you long enough," he joked but even Casey noticed it was a little forced.

"You were thinking about something huh?" She took a seat next to him.

"Just remembering something." He turned his gaze away and instead focused on something to his left, away from her. Something about the way he said it got to her and though she couldn't identify the emotion, suddenly the plans she had painstakingly labored over in preparation for this conversation went out the proverbial window and she thrust the photograph she had brought with her at him.

"You love her, don't you?" she blurted out. The moment she said it she wished she could take it back.

"Excuse me?" he asked as he took the picture from her and looked at it himself. It was dark in the room so he stood up to switch on the light so he could see what she was talking about.

"The girl in the picture, you love her." Casey couldn't stop the word vomit. And why did it sound like she was accusing him of something?

Derek took a good look at the photograph and looked back at Casey who was now concentrating on the floor.

"Case, of course I love you," he replied. Casey looked up and he handed the picture back to her. He smiled gently at her and Casey knew it was a smile unlike any she'd ever seen from Derek, and especially for one directed at _her._ Their fingers briefly brushed as she took the picture back and as she looked at that smile, she again felt the pain in her chest. But instead of the sharp pang, it was the slow, dull lingering ache and she was careful to mask her expression. And she pulled her hand back she quickly turned and returned her concentration to the floor.

Casey was a smart girl and she was quickly beginning to realize what that dull aching in her chest was. She looked at the picture in her hand and focused on the smiling girl. Her gaze shifted to the boy looking at the girl so lovingly and she forced herself to look back up at Derek who was now watching her. As their eyes locked, the dull aching returned and she made herself look away. One thought kept repeating itself in her head,

_Casey, you are in so much trouble._


	5. Chapter 5: The Beat Of My Heart

_**Author's Note:** Okay, I officially suck and I'm a horrible, horrible liar. I seriously did have most of this written by the time I posted chapter four. I only needed to finish the ending and edit it and that ended up getting pushed off again and again. I blame the holidays, they threw me completely off schedule. To make up for it, I ended up completely revising it and moving up some events to bring you a DASEY moment, a couple actually. It's still a kind of transition chapter but I needed it to lay the ground for future chapters. After this, there should be a lot more action since the background chapters are pretty much out of the way now. _

_Anyway, I wanted to give a special thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I do read them and it's so nice to know that people appreciate your hard work. They definitely motivate me to keep going so...I present to you, chapter 5!_

**Disclaimer: **Regrettably I still do not own Life With Derek or Dear Myself. I have made several attempts at bargaining, begging, crying and pleading. None have worked :(

**Chapter Five: The Beat Of My Heart**

Casey allowed herself to sink slowly to the ground. She leaned heavily against the door and tried to will herself to squelch the sheer panic that had compelled her to run. She hadn't known where she was going; hell she hadn't even needed to go very far. All she knew was that she needed to get away from _him._ She needed distance from _him_.

She got up slowly and headed for the closet. She pulled out the largest bag she could find and started packing what she could. She didn't know if this was the best idea or if this would even begin to fix anything. What she knew was that she had to go because she couldn't stay here. She couldn't face him. Ordinarily, she'd find this situation odd. She'd never once backed down from a confrontation with Derek. Sure he'd on occasion backed her into a wall where she had been forced to retreat and regroup, but she'd never once actually had to pack up and just plain run away. And yet that's exactly what she was doing now, running away, and for the life of her, she couldn't seem to pack fast enough.

Stifling a growl at her frustration at her hand's inability to pack at the speed she'd deemed necessary to escape, she realized that this too had to be Other Casey's fault. If he'd been just plain, old Derek, she wouldn't be having this problem. But what she'd apparently failed to realize earlier was that while Other Casey had seemed to disappear without a trace, she'd not only left a very confused Casey standing in her place, she'd also left poor, confused Casey to deal with a newly transformed Derek; a Derek that apparently had fallen very much in love with Other Casey, the evil pod person that had stolen control of her body the past three years. That was a Derek Casey wasn't even close to being prepared to deal with.

* * *

Derek stared at the empty doorway. He wanted to chase after her. _God knows he wanted to chase after her_. But, sighing heavily as he sat back down on the bed, he supposed Nora was right. Now wasn't the time to force her to listen or accept anything. She wasn't yet at the point where she was ready. She needed to get to a place where she could fully accept the situation and anything before that would only make her run, make her pull away. Their conversation just moments before was proof of that. But in his defense, she had asked. She'd even brought that photograph. His favorite photograph. 

"_The girl in the picture, you love her." Her head was bent down and he studied her profile before he replied._

"_Case, of course I love you," he'd told her honestly. She looked up at him and he handed her back the photograph. Their fingers brushed briefly before she quickly looked away. For a moment, he thought she'd freeze up again but she spoke up again after a few minutes._

"_How?" Her voice was so low he almost missed it._

"_How what? How did we end up together?" he asked, purposely keeping his tone mild._

"_No. How serious was it? I mean, you guys were living together." Her voice was clearer this time around._

"_Do you want the truth?" There was a noticeable pause before she answered._

"_I think I deserve the truth." _

"_I was going to ask her to marry me. In two weeks, right before summer," he said, not holding anything back. Casey turned to look at him, gauging whether or not he was telling the truth. Derek let out a bitter laugh as he continued._

"_I had just finished picking out the ring. It's probably being resized as we speak." Derek stopped and watched her reaction. Guilt, anger, confusion all played out on her delicate features. _

"_How did you know? That you loved her? That it was for real?" Frankly, Derek was surprised at her line of questioning. He'd assumed she'd want to get straight to the how's and why's of how she ended up dating her rival right before she got to the part of "This ends now." Then again, she probably assumed the little break up scene from the other night was sufficient. _

"_I don't think it was any one particular thing. But the moment I decided I was going to ask her to marry me was about a month ago."_

"_A month?" _

"_Yeah, believe it or not we were at the library." His smiled slightly at the irony._

"_You know where the library is?" Casey asked, disbelieving. _

"_Hey! I'm a changed man," Derek said in his defense._

"_Apparently," Casey muttered mostly to herself._

_Derek fought the grin that tugged at the corner of his mouth and instead continued with his story. "Anyway, I was studying for a quiz and you were finishing up a paper that was due. I needed a little break and was about to ask you if you wanted me to grab some coffee and I looked over at you and –"_

"_And?" Casey pressed when he paused._

"_And, I don't know, I just...I couldn't…it's hard to describe. I watched you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and nibble on the end of the pencil as you worked on your paper. I noticed that for some reason, whenever you get worked up on something, one strand of hair always seems to fall out of place. And when you're worried you always get this one crinkle on your forehead, right here." Derek showed her on his own forehead. "And I just sat there noticing things about you that I already knew. I don't know how much time passed but I didn't get tired of watching you. And I realized that I never get tired of watching you. That I'd be perfectly happy if I spent the rest of my life memorizing everything there is to know about you. And that's when I decided. I wanted forever. I needed forever."_

_Silence engulfed the room. Derek waited patiently as she seemed intent on staring a hole into the floor. Finally she stood up suddenly. She carefully avoided eye contact with him as she stammered out, "I…I-I can't do this right now. I have to go. I…I just…I-I have to go." _

_And Derek watched her run out of the room. _

* * *

Casey zipped up the backpack and placed it on the bed next to the bag. She'd packed clothes and toiletries and school books and notebooks she'd assumed were hers. She found a few photo albums and didn't think Derek would mind if she took a couple of them. From the sharp, increasingly annoying pains from her damn heart when she tried to leave _the _photograph, she realized leaving it behind wasn't an option and so into the bag it also went. She looked around the room to make sure she wasn't leaving behind something vital. Seeing nothing, she grabbed the bags and headed out the door. 

Derek was sitting on the couch and she wasn't dumb enough to believe he'd just let her walk out the door without some kind of exchange so she put down the bags and walked over slowly, taking a seat beside him. He was leaning back against the sofa with an arm casually draped over the back. Casey decided to remain in a perched position. The last thing she wanted to do was lean against his arm. The less physical contact the better was her motto when it came to Derek, despite what The Other Casey seemed to have decided.

"Going somewhere?" Derek drawled out slowly. It was a rhetorical question since they both knew the answer.

"I just think it would be best," Casey replied. The moment the words left her mouth, she felt foolish since it was rather obvious to both of them that she was leaving.

Derek felt the instant, familiar pang to tease her just like old times but he realized she was nervous. He saw her wringing her hands in her lap and decided the teasing could wait.

"Where are you going?" He asked instead.

"I think I'm going to go home. I don't think I have any other place to go."

"You could stay here," Derek suggested.

"No, I don't think –" Casey started to rush out.

"Relax, I'm kidding," he assured her, letting out a small laugh at her panic. They sat in companionable silence for a minute before Casey announced she should get going. Derek didn't respond but from the corner of her eye she thought she saw him nod. She forced herself to look over at him and saw the same expression he'd had earlier in the guest room and again she felt the dull aching in her chest. She needed to get away from him fast, anymore more of this and she might start having a heart attack for real. _I should just get up and leave,_ she thought to herself. And she almost did but the moment she thought it the aching in her chest increased.

_You stupid heart_, she argued silently with herself_, I'm not _Her_ anymore. He's not my responsibility._ But it didn't help and the aching continued.

_Fine!_ She thought, reluctantly agreeing to the wordless demand of her heart which apparently had yet to realize that the pod person was gone and that Original Casey was back.

"Are you okay?" she asked Derek.

"I'm fine."

Silence.

"Are you sure? Because you don't seem fine." God, Casey thought to herself, this is like pulling teeth.

"I'm sure."

Casey didn't know what else to do. _See? _She thought furiously to her traitorous heart, _He says he's fine. _She adjusted herself in her seat, ready to get up and leave but the aching increased. _This is ridiculous. _She let out a silent sigh of frustration.

"Derek?" she asked cautiously.

"Yeah?"

"It's just…" Casey paused as she gathered her thoughts. "I just have to go. You understand that right? I need space to figure out everything. It's not your fault and it's not about you. This is all just so foreign for me and part of me still feels like I'm going to wake up from this dream any moment or like you should break out laughing any second and yell 'Gotcha!' All these things have happened and I need some time to catch up."

"I understand," he replied softly. She turned to look at him and caught him looking at her.

"Do you?" she asked again, wanting to be sure.

"Yeah, I get it."

"I'm fine, really," he added when she still looked skeptical.

She turned away and stood to leave but he caught her hand.

"Wait." She looked back at him.

"Derek?" Their eyes locked for a moment and she felt a warmth start spreading from where their hands touched. The warmth kept spreading, tingeing its way up her arm, to her neck and north to her cheeks. The moment it hit her cheeks, she panicked. _Oh my God, I'm blushing. Stop it! Stop it right now. Why am I blushing? Stop blushing! _She forced herself to hold his gaze. _Casey, you will calm down right this minute. Derek will NOT affect you. PS, stop blushing. _

"Derek?" she repeated. She hated that she heard a slight quiver in her voice.

"Case, I…" His voice trailed off and he stood suddenly and before Casey could react, he was pulling her against him and wrapping his arms around her.

"Derek, what are you –" Casey protested and she tried to push him away.

"Case, please. Just for a moment. Please," Derek pleaded. Casey reluctantly agreed and tucked her head into the crook of his neck to let him hold her closer. The pains in her chest immediately faded and the strong beats of Derek's heart somehow soothed her mind. Casey stopped herself from over thinking who exactly was holding her and instead allowed herself to feel nothing more than the comfort being in someone's arms gave. For a moment, she allowed herself to forget everything; the accident, the amnesia, the missing years of her life. So wrapped up was she in forgetting her troubles that Casey didn't notice that Derek was crying until tears started falling onto her bare neck.

"Derek?" she asked, alarmed. She tried to pull away to face him but he only held on tighter.

"Just a little longer, I'll be okay." Casey accepted his answer and for the first time, pulled her arms out from between them and wrapped them around his waist, offering him some of the comfort he'd given her.

* * *

In the end, they'd stood like that, holding each other, for almost an hour before Derek finally pulled away and offered to drive her to their old house. The drive was silent and when Nora opened the door to greet them, Derek brought in her bags and drove off again without a word. Nora showed her up to her old room without question. 

Her old room was now mostly a guest room, with few clues that it had ever been Casey's. Her old bed was still there, though the mattress had been replaced. A few of her old dance posters still decorated the walls but the majority of them were long gone. The closet held a few clothes of hers she assumed were there in case they came home to visit but mostly it was empty. Gone was her old computer desk and in its place a simple oak dresser she assumed was for guest use. A few pictures cluttered the top of the dresser. Most were of the family, some new but some she recognized.

Casey glanced over to where George had left her bags after bringing them up. She was grateful that they were giving her her space. They hadn't asked any questions or forced any conversation. She knew the backpack contained mostly school books and notebooks so she picked up the duffle bag first and placed it on the bed. She unzipped it and began to put away the clothes she had packed and left the rest of the stuff from the bag on the bed. When she finished putting the clothes away and shoving the toiletries into a drawer, she began to rifle through the remaining items. There wasn't much; just a couple photo album, a hardbound notebook, and the _photograph_. She shoved the empty duffle bag under the bed to make room for herself. She climbed into bed and picked up one of the albums. She spent the better part of half an hour flipping through photo after photo before spending another half hour going through the second album. It was a painful experience. There were pictures of people she knew and some she didn't. But what hurt was each picture was an experience she supposedly lived through. There were pictures of her smiling, laughing, pouting. There were pictures of picnics, vacations, Christmases, Thanksgivings, and Halloweens. There were pictures of her and Sam and Emily. There were several pictures of a pretty blonde girl and a guy with dark hair and glasses. She assumed they were a couple new friends Other Casey had made. There were pictures of the family, of her and her dad, her and Lizzie and then of course, pictures of her and Derek.

As she flipped through the album, her frustration grew and grew. How could she not remember this? These were _her_ friends, _her_ family. This was _her_ life and it had all disappeared seemingly overnight. It wasn't fair. Her eyes traveled down to the picture she had just flipped to. It was a picture of her at the beach. Her hair was billowing in the breeze and she was smiling at the camera and she struggled to keep her giant hat from blowing away. She looked so darn happy that it was the breaking point for Casey. She tossed the albums to the floor. Years of self-imposed politeness and decorum were the only things the kept her from throwing them against the wall.

Casey looked around the room, she didn't know what to do next. She didn't feel like going down and facing the rest of the family. So instead, she sat on the bed and stared at the wall. She refused to think about anything and just stared, letting the seconds turn into minutes and the minutes turn to hours.

* * *

It was already well after ten at night by the time Casey snapped out of her trance-like state. Fortunately Nora and the rest of the family had continued giving her space and hadn't come in to check on her. If they had, they would have found the albums and the pictures spread out all over the floor, Casey in a near coma-like condition, and she would have had a lot of explaining to do. 

She fought the urge to clean up the mess on the floor and forced herself to tiptoe downstairs to the kitchen. She hadn't realized just how hungry she was until she opened the fridge door and had the sight of food, honest to goodness food, staring back at her. She grabbed enough food stuffs to make herself a sandwich and made quick work of putting one together. She quickly put the supplies back where she'd found them and poured herself a glass of milk and grabbed a snack size bag of chips from the cupboard, luckily the location hadn't changed. She ate quickly and washed her dishes before heading back to the room. The house was quiet and she assumed everyone had long gone to bed since tomorrow was only Friday and the kids would have to go to school and Nora and George would probably have to go to work.

She crawled back into bed but found that she wasn't tired. Despite the emotional turmoil of the day, she was still wide awake. She eyed the backpack on the floor but dismissed doing homework. Her situation had been explained to her professors and she wasn't expected back in class for a while. Though to be honest, for the first time as far back as she could remember, school and grades were the least of her worries.

Her eyes caught sight of the notebook she'd packed with the photo albums. It was hardbound and green with a pink flower decorating the front cover. Curious, she picked it up and gingerly traced the flower with her fingertip. Looking at it carefully, Casey was overwhelmed with an odd feeling. She suddenly felt anxious, nervous, scared and confused all at once. Something told her instinctively that this notebook had the answers she'd been looking for but for the life of her, she couldn't get herself to open it. Partly because she was scared at what she'd find and partly because it belonged to Other Casey and as much as she abhorred Other Casey, reading what was written inside would feel like peering into the girl's privacy, her thoughts and feelings. And Casey wasn't comfortable with that.

By the time midnight had rolled around, Casey had picked up and put down the notebook over three dozen times. She'd stopped and stared at it 25 times, gotten up and almost ran to Lizzie's room to have her come in and open it with her 15 times, and scariest of all, she'd picked up the phone to call Derek and have him come over and open it with her only to put the phone down before she could finish dialing over a dozen times. She didn't know what to do.

She was sitting up with her knees drawn under her chin. She glanced at the clock/radio on the side table next to the bed. It read 12:13am. She let out a groan as she covered her face with her hands.

"This is absurd," she said to no one in particular. "I'm a grown, mature, young woman. And okay, so I may not remember going past 17 or 18. Or even 19 for that matter but I am 20 years old and I'm pretty sure this notebook belongs to Other Casey and I _am_ Casey so I have every right to open it up and get some answers."

Casey eyed the notebook out of the corner of her eyes and nervously chewed on her bottom lip. "Oh the heck with it, I'm reading it."

She flopped herself onto the bed on her stomach and grabbed the notebook. She carefully opened it to the first page and read the first line before her eyes bugged out and an sharp "Eeep" escaped her lips and the notebook went sailing across the room.

The line had simply said:

_Dear Casey,_

_You may not believe this, but they tell me I'm you._

Suddenly, Casey was very tired.

* * *

Casey blew a hair out of her face and rolled over to her side so she could read the time on the clock. 3:15am and exactly 5 minutes since that last time she checked. 

"I'm going crazy," Casey decided. "I have amnesia. Again. I can't sleep because I think my heart is a traitor and feeling some kind of weird phantom pain over someone I hate. I'm talking to myself. Again. And I think that crazy pod person, non-me was writing me letters in a secret notebook I found buried in the back of the closet. And I only looked there because that's where I would have hidden a secret notebook."

She closed her eyes but the aching in her chest was relentless. Casey contemplated for a moment that maybe she really was suffering from a heart attack but quickly dismissed it. She tried ignoring it but knew it wouldn't help since it had failed the last 50 times she'd tried it. She let out a huff of annoyance and dragged herself out of bed. She hobbled over to the dresser and opened the first drawer. She dug around the bottom of it until she found what she was looking for and shut the drawer. She took a look at the offending photograph in her hand and tried not to twist her mouth in disgust as her heart literally flip-flopped and the aching immediately ceased.

"You've got to be kidding me," Casey muttered to her heart. "Fine, you want it out? It's out."

With that, she propped the picture up on the dresser against another picture frame and went back to bed.

* * *

Casey's eyes popped open and started to focus on the red neon lights. Once they came into focus she read, 3:23am. The aching was back. She grabbed the pillow beside her and covered her face as she moaned a deep, sorrow-filled "Nooooooo" into it. She replaced the pillow and again dragged herself over to the dresser. She snatched up the photo and brought it with her back to the bed. She propped it up against the clock/radio and relished the immediate cessation of the aching and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

It was 3:47am and Casey was once again awake. The aching had returned. She rolled onto her back, threw an arm over her arms and let out an affected whimper. She snatched the picture with her free hand, shoved it under her pillow, noted the aching had stopped, silently vowed that this better be the end of it and went back to sleep.

* * *

4:12am and Casey's eyes flew open once again. Aching heart? Check. She rolled onto her stomach and screamed quietly into her pillow. She reached under beneath the pillow and pulled out the picture. She looked down at it. 

"Why? What do you want from me?" she demanded. She finally decided on placing the picture on top of the pillow beside her. The aching disappeared instantly and she just knew she'd finally get some rest. Stubbornly, she rolled onto her other side, facing away from the picture. She silently dared her heart to ache again and when it didn't, she finally drifted off into a peaceful sleep while a smile, unknown to her, crept onto the corner of her lips.

* * *

Casey didn't awake again until 10:15am when she found herself face to face with a mussy-headed, smiling Derek. 

"Derek?" she asked groggily then let out an unladylike yawn she managed to cover with a hand.

"Good morning, Princess," he said a little too brightly for her tastes.

"Derek," she said, sitting up against the headboard, "what are you doing here?"

He seemed to ignore her question completely as he focused on something beside her.

"Should I be flattered?" he asked smugly, flashing her his famous smirk and raising an eyebrow. "I mean, that does perfectly capture my good side. Then again, every side is my good side."

"What are you –" she began, then broke off as she followed his gaze to the hated photograph. Her head whirled back towards him, "I can explain."

Derek continued to smirk as Casey seethed silently as she tried to come up with an explanation that didn't sound completely insane. _You stupid, stupid, heart_, she thought angrily. But her heart didn't care, it was happily flip-flopping in her chest and because of Derek's nearness, the sensation was soon joined by light-headedness and the feel of butterflies in her stomach.

Casey couldn't believe the audacity. Her heart was _happy_ to see Derek. Casey wondered if being Catholic was a requirement for seeking the help of a priest because clearly, she was possessed.

---------------

_Okay, so there you have it, Chapter 5! Did you like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know! I hope it was worth the wait. It wasn't one of my favorite chapters but it was a necessary chapter. Chapter 6 should definitely be a lot more fun. A LOT more fun (hint hint) So stay tuned and don't forget to review! They do motivate me and I do read them all. _


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